The “Hair Issue” is coming out of the closet this weekend with Chris Rock’s new documentary ”Good Hair” and I, for one, am just thrilled about it, and can’t wait to see it. I think it’s high time women ( and not just black ones) come clean about their obsession with hair and the lengths we go through to get it. And it’s also time for men to stop pretending like they don’t have hair preferences; women are just crazy, and cop to the fact that they LOVE HAIR, particularly long hair, and are therefore, partly responsible for the hair madness that characterizes our culture. If you don’t believe this to be the case, all you have to do is observe how men react when they see a woman with long, flowing hair walking down the street. The woman can look like who-did-it-with-a-bat-and-ran, but if her hair is long and flowing, men’s heads are whipping around, eyes are popping out of their sockets, and tongue’s are hanging out their mouths!
Historically, it’s true that many (but not all) black women have been quite desperate to obtain straight, long hair and have resorted to wigs, relaxers and weaves to get it. But it’s also important to note that we weren’t born wishing we had different hair. Rather, men and women have been programmed to believe that the hair God gave us is inferior to the hair he gave the dominant culture. I remember when I was a kid one of the most insulting things you could say to a black girl was that her hair was “nappy” or even worse, “peasy” (that’s nappy to the tenth power for my white sisters). You were guaranteed a three-o’clock beat-down if you dared to hurl those words at anybody. Why was the truth so hurtful? Try being a young girl growing up in a world that only holds up images of beauty that don’t resemble you, and see if you don’t get the message that you’re lacking and are in need of a fix. Everywhere you turn, there she is: the chick with the silky, bouncin’ and behavin’ hair. At the market she’s all over the magazines; turn on the TV, she’s swinging her mane from side to side, pushing a variety of products for you to consume. At the movies, she’s breaking hearts with just a flip of her luxurious hairI The message is clear: she is the object of desire…and we all want to be desired, don’t we?! Talk about indoctrination!
“Good Hair” is sure to generate a lot of much needed discussion and soul-searching, which hopefully will result in more clarity about why we make the choices we make regarding our hair. Just to be clear, there’s nothing wrong with wearing a weave or perming your hair if you do so because it’s a style choice you feel like making. It only becomes damaging when you make the choice based on a deeply held (conscious or unconscious) belief that you are not attractive or presentable with your natural hair, and therefore, have to alter it. When I was coming up, my mother used to tell us that “good hair” was “healthy hair.” As a matter of fact, she had a no-perm rule in our house. I don’t care how much we begged to have long, straight hair like our heroine, “Marcia Brady” my mama wasn’t having it. She said if we wanted to ruin what the good Lord had given us, we’d have to wait till we were out of her house to do so! And I’m so happy she laid down that law. Because even though it didn’t stop my sisters and I from putting sweaters on our heads and swinging them around like it was our real hair, or putting Barbie on our Christmas “wish list” every year, it sent a message to us: there was nothing wrong with our hair. It’s a message that stayed with me throughout my adult life and helped me, despite pressure from many hairdressers who dreaded having to take the time and energy to get through my coarse, thick hair, to steer clear of permanently altering my naps with any chemicals. I admit, as a younger girl and woman, I never fully appreciated the power and artistry of my natural hair, but now as a grown woman, I am so in love with my naps. My hair is alive. It has spring and bounce, versatility and attitude to boot. When I walk down the street with my bush out full-force, I feel more empowered, beautiful and authentically myself than I ever did with pressed hair. I can go to the gym and run on the treadmill without worrying about my hair “going back” because it’s already back– so I’m free to sweat. When I look up in the sky and see dark clouds forming, I don’t have to run like a madwoman to the nearest shelter to avoid the rain. The rain can’t harm the bush; it is what it is. And I am what I am– a natural black woman embracing my god-given uniqueness and loving it! And just for the record, last time I checked a couple of other things Sisters were teased and made to feel bad about are all the rave now–like big lips and booty. Something to think about the next time you consider altering characteristics that make you unique.
Kim, I haven’t seen the movie as of yet but, I do remember the 1st time I saw school daze. I wanted my hair permed so bad. Now that I’m older I love my thick wavey hair. Have a blessed night.
Love,Love,Love Happy to be nappy and I use to hate on the straight but know I have a 16 and soon to be 11 yrs old young ladies so I no longer hate lol,but im happy to be going to see this movie with my girls because I see them going threw the hair thing the 16yrold wants braids beacuse she thinks her hair is to short then she wants a hair cut the 11 yrold wants a perm so her wash and set lay straight and had the nerve to ask me can she cut her bang cause her hair makes her face break out,now im thinking wit all the crap going on with their bodys and all they see is hair what I want them to see is the beauty in their hearts mind and souls and I tell them if they were bald they would still be the pretty ladies I know them to be,GODBLESS,
Kim, if women don’t come clean with their obsession about their looks, the billions of dollars that women spend on “beauty” certainly speak for themselves.
As to men, I don’t personally know any who is obsessed with women’s hair. The aesthetical, social and biological programming in both men and women is definitely present and undeniable, and the emotional reactions to “great hair” are easily detected – if you look for it. Women do (look for it). Men are not consciously aware about their own reactions and can rarely “put their finger on” the hair aspect. (Women are not always aware, by the way, for example when they start playing with their hair when they like a man).
Concerning women, the conscious “hair issue” is definitely at least as much about approval-seeking and rivalry as it is about “feeling good” about oneself. Indeed, emerging social competition areas the past decade are ‘silicon’ areas. That’s really sad. Especially when more and more teenagers do cosmetic surgery in order to be “desired”.
Incidentally, I just received an email from a female entrepreneur who wants help with managing her thriving business. She imports straight, ‘natural’ hair for her female customers..
Please take a moment to check out my documentary film BLACK HAIR
It is free at youtube. 6 parts including an update from London, England.
It explores the Korean Take-over of the Black Beauty Supply and Hair biz..
The current situation makes it hard to believe that Madame C.J. Walker once ran the whole thing.
I am not a hater, I am a motivator.
Plus I am a White guy who stumbled upon this, and felt it was so wrong I had to make a film about it.
self-funded film, made from the heart.
Can it be taken back?
Link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p96aaTSdrAE
You have such an amazing family. I can see the love and the confidence your parents inspired in you all! The story about how your mom refused to have you hair straightened instilling respect for what you are (over the long run) is completely what I would expect. There is something so bold and over the line in comedy and all of you are so funny, that I’ve always thought, these are parents who were tuned in, and parents who encouraged kids.
I have natural hair too, and I know my ability to wear my hair this way comes from a kind of unnatural confidence, but those of us who are comfortable with such have to pave the way for the future how and where we can. So our children and our children’s children won’t get boxed into the straight-hair, light skin imprinting, so they will know, that is ONE way to be, not THE way to be.
I read something incredible today I’d like to share with you:
When we cannot find contentment in ourselves it is useless to seek it elsewhere – Rochefoucauld
So, black women simply must embrace what they are in total. Mimicking another standard of beauty just takes away from the brilliance alive in our natural selves.
I mean does anyone want Japanese people to look Nordic or Nordic people to look Japanese? Whenever you see someone trying and burying that unique shine, there is a disappointment that comes up. Least for me…
I am sooo glad you wrote about this subject!What we love about you is that you embrace your natural hair and “rock-it” Whether its braids or a fro, you work-it! I respect all sisters who wear their hair whether staight or natural……..as long as it makes you happy! That’s all that matters!
I second Tom. Your hair rocks!
Hey, Kim. You have always kept it real and I’ve alwaysss admired your family. This blog was so very true. I have no shame in admitting that I rock weaves, however it’s a method I choose for my own pleasure, not to keep up with the Jones’. I find it so ironic that people are now beginning to embrace and mimic the physical features,as well as the methods, black women have had forever. Just as you stated, we once were ridiculed for having full lips, coarse hair, and curvier bodies but now there’s collagen, ppl getting “perms” to reverse the nature of their super straight hair, and booty implants. Damn, “beauty” has come a long way. Thanks for blogging, girl.
Hi Kim, Nice article can’t wait to see that movie.
as a woman who grew up in a family, where my hair was the straight/curly hair or what they called “good hair” i cant wait to see that movie either..because i get tired of people asking me what im mixed with, when every one in my family is black with kinky hair..i call any hair good hair..its hair that grows..haha.
Kim,
I too am very happy to be nappy. As a mother of three girls I made the leap from relaxed to natural almost three years ago. My girls all have different types of hair. I’m enjoying this journey because my son can see the versatility of black hair and not think Barbie straight is the ultimate beauty. It was so freeing, cutting out that relaxer.
As a kid my mother used to say “good hair” is any hair on you head because, a bald person would rather have your kinky hair than none at all. I know, as an adult when ever I heard a hairdresser say the words “good hair” I’d never go back to them. And that is when I was relaxed. I think it is a sad commentary on society if my natural state offends or gets people talking in a negative light. Unfortunately, that is what happens. I’m going to continue to rock my natural, which stands a foot tall fully blown. I’ve found new creative things I can do with it and I have the most fun doing them.
I used to be so embarrased to have curly hair. Im Puerto Rican and where I grew up there were a LOT of white girls. and all of course with long flowing straight hair. I was dissed because of my skin color, my hair, my booty and my lips. but now I am PROUD to say that I AM BORIQUA and I love every thing that God gave me. I love my body, I love the fact that I talk too fast and most importantly I love my hair. They are curls that everyone I know wants now.
Kimmy,
You’re such an excellent writer. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blogs.
You and I have had many conversations about “what do I do next with my hair?” (My being the operative word). I’ve worn my hair in a short ‘fro for years and only until recently, I let it grow and am now rocking kinky extensions. (The operative word being kinky). It’s time for those bad boys to come down and I’m debating whether or not to go back to my ‘fro. In any event, I love my naps and whichever style I decide to rock, the glory of my naps and the kinkiness of my roots will be ever present.
Black (and nappy) is sho ’nuff beautiful. Ya dig?
LEKISHA – I know how difficult those teenage years can be! It’s a beautiful message you’re teaching your girls: that real beauty comes from within. Good luck!
KEVIN – I hear you about those unconscious tendencies we all have, but I still maintain, I know MANY, MANY men who are obsessed with long hair, and are very conscious about it. Thanks for weighing in with your interesting insights!
ARON – I checked out your documentary–it’s great! Very informative; I had no idea how the black hair care industry has been hijacked…it’s a shame. Thanks for making the film & sharing the link here. Good luck with the film.
TANYENO – You’re right about my parents. They are amazing, and really did a great job of instilling confidence, values, and belief in our abilitity to soar in this world. That’s a great quote by Rochefoucauld that you shared. Thanks!
TOM – Thanks, Mr. Brooks:). The bottom line is to wear what makes you happy!!!
MSSTAYSTRONG – Glad you enjoyed the blog. Beauty has come a long way, but needs to come even longer.
DAUGNE – You’ve got that right!:)
ROBIN – Thanks. You are the epitome of a beautiful, natural Black woman! Short fro, or twists, you always look righteous to me.
I grew up down south during the 1950′s so I am thoroughly brainwashed into believing that there is something wrong with my afro hair. Blame should not be put on me because we live in a dominant culture that makes sure we understand what the concept of beauty is. How could you not like who you are? Easily when every commercial, magazine ad, and movie tells you so. I am trying to change but it’s very hard to do this now. During the 70′s I wore my afro proudly because it was the “style” back then. Angela Davis was a great role model but who do we have now? I’m ashamed of my natural hair because unfortunately, I think it’s not good enough.
I think people are always going to have issues about the way their hair is. Just like people have issues being a bigger size than what’s considered “sexy,” how they’re driving a certain car when they wish they had something better. There’s always something to fuss over and that’s life. I’m not going anywhere if my hair isn’t permed though.:)
KIM I REALLY ENJOYED YOUR PIECE ON HAIR. JUST LIKE YOU I HAD A STRONG MOM WHO TOLD ME TO LOVE WHO I WAS FROM HEAD TO TOE. CAUSE IT WAS WHAT I HAD. IF I WAS BROUGHT UP TO APPRECIATE SOMEONES ELSE’S STUFF I WOULD HAVE A DIFFERENT OUTLOOK. I LOVE ME MY NAPPY HAIR BIG BUTT AND BIG ANYTHING ELSE JUST LIKE I WAS TAUGHT.. JUST LIKE YOU SAID NOT ONLY ARE THE OTHER RACES TRYING TO ALTER THEMSELVES TO BE MORE LIKE US, BUT THEY ARE THE ONES FIXATED ON DOING SO FROM THE HAIR “EXTENSIONS” NOT WEAVES TO THE TANS IN THE WINTER. LOL . I THINL ITS SAD WHEN PEOPLE DON’T APPRECIATE WHO THEY ARE ONCE ALL THE ADD-ONS ARE ON THE FLOOR……
CLOTEE – We’re all victims of the brainwashing, but now as a grown woman you should try taking some steps to re-condition your feelings about our hair. You might start by thumbing through some of the Natural Black Hair Care Magazines, and appreciating some of the beautiful women and styles presented. And true, the role-models are few and far between in the entertainment industry, but they are there. T’keyah Crysal Key’mah, Lauryn Hill, Macy Gray are examples of sisters who gloriously rock what God gave them. Thanks for being so honest about your feelings!
ANGEL – You’re too funny!
Kim, it’s an honor to be called funny by you!I love you gurl!!!!!
TAX GENIUS – We were both very blessed in the mother department! Glad you enjoyed the blog.
Hi Kim,
I agree with you that as long as you aren’t changing because you feel that you are “less than” you should rock whatever style makes you happy whether it’s natural hair,a relaxer or a weave. Sadly, natural hair is looked at as “different” which is sadly ironic. I enjoyed your insights. Keep them coming.
Keisha
your hair is AWESOME!
Kim, you are beautiful! I love your hair. If we all had the same hair that would be boring!
The messages we get as kids are tough to ignore, even if they are silly or harmful. Your hair is great, and I’m glad you are out there being a positive model of love your healthy, natural hair. (I am a white guy, but my 24 year-old daughter irons her hair to make it straight. Probably not as hard on it as using chemicals, but I wish she would leave it natural and enjoy her “naturally curly” hair.)
Kim, I’m just a mid-western white girl, but loved this piece! In a house with four girls, we all obsessed about our hair too, and straight was never what we wanted. I grew up envying hair like yours and every time I see a woman or man with an eye-popping fro, dreds, or weave walk down the street, I just love it.
Getting older helped me see that we all have to tune out the brainwashing and programming that happens along the way (if my skin were darker, I’d be more beautiful) and take a moment to come to terms with who we are and make decisions based upon what’s best for us. Hating ourselves won’t get us very far. Self-love is the first step to making the world a stronger place. Thanks for such a nice blog; you’re gorgeous!