Hope you all are digging my new blog site! I’m thrilled to have a new photo to go along with it. Much to my agent’s chagrin, I’d been avoiding updating my shots for some reason. Finally, after about ten years of sending around the same old tired, head shot with the braids (I know it’s tired because some of my twitter friends dogged it), I decided it was time. The photographer I chose was great (http://www.danielreichert.com/) and I love the shots. During the session, though, he kept having to remind me to relax my jaw and mouth area, which was extremely tense. I kept clenching my lips like Cloris Leachman in “Young Frankenstein.” Later that night, I was thinking about the shoot and why I had such a hard time relaxing my mouth, when (to borrow an Oprahism) “I made the connection” between something that had happened to me as a child when I was taking my yearly school photos, and my unconscious tendency to hold in my lips when taking a photo: A teacher, who shall remain nameless, strongly suggested I hold in my mouth because my lips were big and she didn’t think that was going to make for a pretty photo. Back in the day, before “big lips” became fashionable, the prevailing attitude was that thin, small lips were more attractive. She was brainwashed by the dominant culture and was now passing her ignorance on to me. Of course, as a grown woman, I love my full lips. People are paying top dollar to get puppies like these in Beverly Hills, but as a child, her thoughtless comments hurt my feelings. And now here I am, all these years later, unconsciously holding in my lips.
All this made me think about the power of words, and the power that adults hold over children. I’m sure we all have stories about something that was said to us early in life that either caused great pain and hurt, or served to uplift and inspire us. Adults need to realize how vulnerable and sensitive to criticism children are, and to think before you act. Do you want to be one of those people who someone looks back on and smiles, or someone who has scarred a child with their careless and insensitive comments? So,the next time you go to speak to a child (even one who’s been kicking the back of your seat on an airplane from Los Angeles to New York) take a second to think before you speak. In some cases, it’s best to be tight lipped!
What a great new design on your blog! And the picture is lovely. Btw, I don’t see how your lips are (conspicuously big. Like you said, that teacher was passing on some personal notion. There are too many ‘adults’ like that!
Love the new design! I didn’t wear lipstick until I was well into my twenties because I got teased in middle school for having “big lips.”
When I told my husband that story, he said, “You have the kind of lips that every woman in Hollywood is trying to get with collagen.”
See why I married him?
I am totally diggin’ your photo. You look so young and fresh faced – almost innocent. LOL. I loved your blog. You’re such a good writer. Continue to do you and it will do what it do. That’s a comment to you but a pep talk for moi. Take it easy.
xoxo
Robin
The psychology actually works both ways. As an African American, I was often teased by my peers by race about my lips being to small – like a white girls. Thankfully, I discovered Diana Ross and how wonderfully she wore her lips and smile. Along with that, my mom had very full lips and wore them proudly with red lipstick. I learned for her to know your own beauty.
Kim, as someone who has talked with you face to face – you look better than ever. The health of your hair and skin, but more importantly…your eyes. They reflect happiness and peace.
Good for You!
Love the new site, and I adore the photograph — as a photographer, I can tell you we all aim to capture images of our subjects like the one Daniel captured of you. And your story about “thin lips” resonated — I remember when I was a teenager, and putting on makeup for the first time, my mother admonished me to “line the inside of my lips — because we have big lips, and it’s not attractive.”
Needless to say, I line my entire lip now.
K.
The photo, new and improved? Looks good.
Your experience with the (my opinion, clueless) teacher? It happens.
Folks who are left-handed get the same thing: I had a teacher who was strongly left-handed & grew up when that was taboo. She’d been forced to writer with her right hand – and could simultaneously write normally with the right and mirror-image with the left. I imagine she’d rewired quite a bit of her motor cortex to write the ‘proper’ way.
Happily, (some of) the old weirdnesses are getting whittled away.
Thanks for sharing – it’s good to learn about the experiences of others.
I love the new design and the new photo. You are truly a classy and beautiful lady.
I’m a firm believer in speaking life and not death into a person. Folks forget the power of words and the control it can have one someone. I know from experience because I use to always say what I wanted without taking anyone else or their feelings into consideration.
I’m still learning and cafeful now about how I say things and how I address situations.
I grew up hearing about how my nose was wide and my freckles made me look funny when I smiles and I would never smile. I am thankful that I established a great relationship with God and educated myself on self-love. Now I laugh with my mouth wide open and always smile
Hello Kim,
As usual you hit the nail right on the head. Some people fail to acknowledge the power that words have on children’s self-esteem and self-worth. I believe that children absorb more about the world around them than we as adults give them credit for. I wholeheartedly agree that we as adults should definitely think before we speak in all instances especially when speaking to a child.
Keisha
Hey guys – Thanks for the feedback. Glad you like the new design and photo:)
KAREN – Glad you outgrew that manuever!
RELYN – Amen! Self-love is what it’s all about. I bet you light up a a room with your smile!
JACQUIE – Thanks for sharing. Big up for Lady D. And thanks for the lovely compliments.
Hey Kim, nice web design. Very serene!
Hi Kim,
I love the new website and your photo. As always your blogs are so real!! They touch home and are very thought provoking. You’re so very right!! Children take everything in… the good as well as the bad and it becomes a part of what molds them into the adults they become. This can be a positive or a negative thing as witnessed from your post.
When I was eight years old my teacher walked past my desk and stopped. He turned around…looked at me and said “You have beautiful eyes” I never thought I was pretty just this skinny little thing trying to fit in. I don’t remember if I was embarrassed by his words but they stayed with me!! A couple of years later I found an old makeup pencil in the house we use to live in. I picked it up and ran straight to the bathroom to draw a line under my eyes. I still remember that to this day!! He made a difference in my life with just those four words. He told me that I was pretty and I never thought I was!! I never forgot him. So we do have to be careful what we say to children. They are so very vulnerable!!
Thanks for the post and your wonderful site!!
SHARONj – You’re so welcome. Thank you for sharing that touching and beautiful story.