F or most of us over a certain age, there’s a singular event or moment in our lives when we’re forced to reckon with the fact that we’re getting old. For me, it happened early one Sunday morning in bed, while I was reading the paper. I turned to my husband and remarked, “The Los Angeles Times has started using some kind of cheap ink that’s making all the words look blurry.” “That’s not the ink,” he said, laughing. “It’s your eyes! You need reading glasses!” Prior to this, I thought aging was something that happened to everyone else. Now, I had to face some sobering facts: father time was catching up with me! See, like every other woman over forty, I had latched on to the adage, “forty is the new thirty.” And it is– until you stand next to someone who is actually thirty. Then you suddenly realize if “forty is the new thirty,” your ass didn’t get the memo!. I don’t care how much you exercise and eat right, the body just starts to shift. So even if you can still fit into the jeans you wore in high school, if you’re honest you’ll have to admit–they don’t fit quite the same.
I’ve always considered myself lucky because when all my friends started to get gray, there was none to be found on my head. Well, that’s changed, too. Lately, the grays have started popping up here and there… especially around my hairline. At first, I would just take a tweezer and pluck them out, but then I got scared all that plucking was making my hairline recede. So before I started looking like Sherman Hemsley, I switched over to one of those handy-dandy color sticks instead to cover those pesky stray grays. They work pretty well. You just can’t hug anybody, unless you don’t mind leaving a two-inch black smudge down the side of their face. Gray hairs on your head is one thing–it’s expected, but when they start showing up unusual places–like your nose, it’s darn right embarrassing. Having to explain to people, “No, there’s nothing in my nose, it’s just a gray hair” gets tired real quick.
I’ve always imagined I was going to be one of those women who aged gracefully, like my mother. She didn’t trip; she just let it all happen naturally, and is more gorgeous than ever with her stunning white hair. But she also didn’t live in Los Angeles, the plastic surgery capital of the world; and she wasn’t in a business where the pressure to stay looking twenty-five is enormous. I’m surrounded by women whose faces are pulled so tight, they can’t smile without passing gas. Or those with faces that have been so sandblasted, they give off a strange, radioactive glow. And I can’t count the number of women I know getting their cheeks injected with fillers to puff them out and make them look more youthful. If you ask me, it just makes them look like chipmunks. I’m of the school of thought that plastic surgery never really makes you look young; it just makes you look done. I may be a little afraid to age, but I’m even more afraid of looking like a radioactive chipmunk!
As a culture, we spend so much time denying, and trying to avoid the inevitable fact of change, that we don’t spend enough time focusing on, and being appreciative of, all the positive aspects of aging and the gifts it brings–like wisdom, confidence, courage, clarity, and most important, gratitude for having seen what we’ve seen, and made it through to see more. You cannot go back, but you can move forward with grace and welcome a different and far more lasting beauty that emerges as we age –the beauty of spirit.
For me aging is scary at first. It was scary for me because I had to identify what would go best with my aging as far as what to wear, how to do my hair and the activities I should get into. I’m still young. I’m now in my mid-twenties and just realized that I’m no longer into Jordans, the baby phat jeans and what have you. I’m into my trousers and a nice blouse and clubbing has dyed down. My new club is the library and jazz/cafes. But I look at it in a positive light as time goes on. Age also brings wisdom and you’ll always be beautiful if you accept it and embrace it.
I whole heartedly agree and thank you for sharing. You are willing to shatter a myth that many in Hollywood negate for as long as possible. As a 42 year old myself, I find it hard to accept things like floaters in your eyes or stiff joints. I still want to believe I can do Janet jackson better than anyone else but now I am left asking, “Does she ever have back pain?”
However, your end note is key. Proverbs 31:30 says: Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. This proverbs features a woman who grew in wisdom. She was successful in business, in her family life and she was whole as a person. As our physical failures arise, let us make sure that what shines through brightly are kindness, words of clarity and compassion. Just to name a few!
Thx 4 sharing! This is the most sensible article I have read on aging! The article points out so many things I have experienced-the hair mascara etc. lol! Such a “real” point of view & yet I am laughing so hard while reading all at the same time. Will share!
Thx!
Inge D.
Okay, that was hilarious!!! SOOO FUNNY (Sherman Hemsley hahaha!). It’s so good of you to share, it will make us ALL a little less fearful and more appreciative of aging, which is what we need more of!
YES! Deny the robot chipmunk and just be! My biggest issue with aging is not the physical but the knowledge that time is racing past and all the stuff I wanted (and still want) to do is alluding me. Have to make a living so learning to play accordion and do more animation is put on the back burner. “I’ll do that someday” is turning into “I guess I’ll never get to that.” UGH!
Kim, I am so feeling you on this blog entry. I actually switched eye doctors when one told me I needed a new prescription because i “was getting older.” I was so offended. I am now one of those who need glasses to read the menu at a restaurant. I’m raging against the aging with exercise, fruits, veggies, etc. But even all of that can’t turn back the tides of Mother Nature.
Kim, I resemble that remark. Your reflections touched me as I approach the big 5-0 and try and keep up with my teen age students who think 20 is old. Yes, the reading glasses have found their way into my backpack and I am pulling them out more often. But I am at peace with what I am doing and what I have accomplished in half a century. It’s time to do more and have some fun doing it.
IM LOOKING FOR CELEBRITY POOL SHOOTERS FOR MY UP COMING CELEBRITY 8 BALL CHARITY EVENT.IM BROTHRE WOODS, THE ULGY GUY THAT USE TO BE THE DOORMAN FOR THE WORLD FAMOUS LAUGH FACTORY..KIM,TELL DA FAMILY I SAID HI PLEASE…
I CAN RELATE MY KNEES HURT AND MY TOLERANCE IS LOW AND IM A LITTLE LESS WILLING 2 EXCEPT LIMITATIONS PHYSICALLY.
I am truly enjoying the aging process because of the wisdom, foresight, and patience I’ve developed over the years. Though, I’m older, I still enjoy watching beautiful birds, cute puppy dogs and kitty cats as if I was still a kid. People look at me differently now and many admire my “youthful attitude” as they call it. I too live in Los Angeles and feel the pressure of appearing years younger and skinny as a church mouse! But I have accepted myself as I am and remain exceedingly proud of the way I look.
I oh so agree. Plastic surgery doesn’t make you look young. The only thing it does is make you look like an Alien. And I’m not talking about the kind from Tijuana.
Ive seen some women with so many damn surgeries, it’s like they’re turning into a Ferengi warrior, right before our eyes. I don’t know If I should say hi sometimes or beam them up.
Kim this blog is such an inspiration. I am 26 and I feel myself shifting into a new transformation with clothes, leisure activities etc.., just not into certain things anymore I guess like u say accept those things with grace and keep it moving u are so positive and well spoken u need your own talkshow where we can discuss everyday lifeissues it would b great because u say what u gotta say and u keep it 100% real
Kim, you are hilarious, honest, and wise. I too liked the bit about Sherman Hemsley, and also that your mother “didn’t trip” about getting older.
I turned 40 last year. As I approach 41 my new motto will be, “I’m not trippin’, but my ass is slippin’!”
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